In the Introduction to her new book, “No Contact: How a Seductive Ideology Broke Families and Friendships and How We Can Repair Them” (Forum Books, September 8, 2026, 288 pages), cultural commentator, author and mother of six Noelle Mering writes, “If you are in the situation of having had to cut contact over an abusive relationship, this phenomenon and this book aren’t about you.”
This phenomenon to which Mering refers is the no contact movement, which has stormed social media and our culture over the last decade. In particular, she addresses the cultural divides that have torn apart families and friends. To “go no contact” occurs when someone takes offense at the political and religious beliefs of a loved one and ends the relationship. No more holiday get-togethers. No more emails, texts or talks on the phone. No more anything but a line drawn in the sand and silence.
Also in the Introduction, Mering provides statistics from the American Psychiatric Association demonstrating just how widespread this polarization has become. One in five Americans now reports being estranged from another family member. A clash over the Covid closures and vaccines, angry debates about contentious elections, opposite takes on cultural landmines like abortion or transgenderism, these set off explosions that have separated parents from their adult children, siblings from siblings, friends from friends.
In putting together “No Contact,” Mering heavily researched the topic, spoke with numerous counselors and experts in family life, and interviewed scores of people on both sides of the no contact canyon. Of these fractured families, Mering writes:
“Adult children who go no-contact are left without a safety net when met with a crisis like a job loss, a health scare, or a difficult breakup …. On the other side, estranged parents and grandparents experience a perpetual heart ache they never anticipated, which some have described to me as living with a missing limb as they mourn the loss of relationship with their children and grandchildren.”
“No Contact” has a two-fold broad purpose. First, Mering seeks to understand, and bring that understanding to readers, the causes and driving forces behind this movement. Like so many other trends these days, for example, social media has played a crucial role in the spread of this epidemic, with some podcasters advocating for the good in breaking with one’s family and creating instead a “chosen family” consisting of likeminded friends. From her interviews with adult children who have taken this path, Mering concludes that this option rarely ends well, in large part because a family which chooses its members retains the right to “unchoose” them.
And behind the ideology which brings this splintering of relationships Mering found deeper causes. “Countless small and large failures laid the groundwork,” like a lack of generosity and forgiveness, the “affliction of hyper-individualism,” the abuse of therapeutic ideas and language, the victimhood so prevalent today and the decline of the spiritual. “All of this has created a dry landscape of fuel and tinder ripe for a wildfire.”
As promised in her subtitle, Mering devotes a good portion of the book to remedies and healing for wounded relationships. For those still in a relationship and for those who see that no contact may be the next step for someone they love, she cautions against fighting ideology with ideology, a war which on a personal level produces only losers.
Instead, she advises those in such situations to look for common ground outside of politics, religion, or some other cultural battle of the moment, to rediscover the good in that person and to affirm it, to ask questions, to seek understanding even while disagreeing, to look as honestly at ourselves as we wish others to do for themselves, to keep forgiveness and love always at hand.
For those who are already estranged from a family member or friend, Mering’s final chapter of the book, “Carrying On Without Closure,” offers advice gleaned from others in this same boat. Keep the door open, Mering and those she interviewed say. Work out what you yourself might have done wrong, accept it, and forgive both the person who has initiated the break and yourself. Find people with whom you feel safe and comfortable talking, and share what has happened to you. People caught up in the same ordeal can often provide great support and counsel.
Finally, Mering reminds all of us of the cost of going no contact, whether that means with a family member or an entire group of Americans: “If we can’t hold fast to one another in the face of disagreement, we risk losing not only our most intimate bonds but also the architecture that makes a free, humane, and just society possible.”
(Jeff Minick reviews books and has written four of his own: two novels, “Amanda Bell” and “Dust On Their Wings,” and two works of nonfiction, “Learning As I Go” and “Movies Make the Man.” minick0301@gmail.com.)