From silence to prevention: Rethinking sexual violence, healing and the future we build
Sara Vogel.
File photo
As of April 1, I marked my first full year as the Executive Director of REACH of Haywood County. After nearly a decade working in this field — seven years as a Title IX Coordinator and now leading a nonprofit that serves survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault — I’ve come to believe something deeply: awareness is only the beginning. Prevention must be the goal.
For most of my career, I have worked in systems designed to respond after harm has already occurred. I’ve sat with survivors in the aftermath of sexual violence. I’ve walked alongside them through hospital exams, courtrooms, counseling sessions and the long, quiet process of rebuilding a life. I’ve witnessed extraordinary resilience.
And I’ve also seen, over and over again, the same quiet truth: we are pouring enormous resources into what happens after violence — and not nearly enough into stopping it before it starts.
We are good at crisis response. We are far less comfortable with prevention.
The Silence We Were Taught
During my first year of college, a friend told me about what she described as a “perfect” first sexual experience — candles, music, rose petals. It was the story so many of us were sold: intimacy would be mutual, meaningful and beautiful.
That wasn’t my experience.
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My first sexual encounter didn’t feel like a choice. It happened within a relationship where I cared deeply about the person I was with, but where pressure, persistence and emotional manipulation blurred the line between consent and compliance. I remember lying there afterward, confused, questioning myself more than him, wondering why I hadn’t done more to stop it.
It would take years for me to understand what happened.
What I experienced was sexual coercion — unwanted sexual activity that occurs through pressure, guilt or manipulation rather than physical force. And like many survivors, I didn’t have the language to name it at the time.
That is part of the problem.
When we fail to give young people the language to understand their experiences, we take away their ability to advocate for themselves.
What We Teach — and What We Don’t
For decades, our approach to sexual violence prevention has been rooted in fear. We teach people how to avoid assault, how to say no, how to report.
These efforts matter. But they are not enough. What we often fail to teach is how to say yes.
We don’t teach what healthy, consensual and mutually respectful intimacy actually looks like. We don’t give young people the tools to understand their bodies, their desires or their boundaries. And we avoid conversations about pleasure altogether — even though research shows that comprehensive, sex-positive education reduces rates of sexual violence.
I didn’t begin to understand this until my second year of college, when I attended a workshop led by a sex educator. It was the first time I had ever been given permission to think about intimacy from a place of agency instead of fear. That experience changed everything.
For the first time, I understood that my voice mattered. That consent wasn’t just about preventing harm — it was about actively choosing what felt right for me. And I often wonder how different my first experience might have been if I — and my partner — had been taught those things earlier.
What Happens After
Today, in my role at REACH, I see the consequences of that gap in education every single day.
Sexual assault does not end when the incident is over. It reshapes how a person experiences safety, relationships and even their own body. Survivors often carry not only the trauma of what happened but also the weight of shame, stigma and silence.
Many withdraw. Many question themselves. Many blame themselves. And healing is not linear.
For some, it begins with simply not being alone. For others, it looks like therapy, journaling, creative expression or reconnecting with their bodies through movement, nature or safe touch. Our senses — sight, sound, touch — can trigger trauma, but they can also become tools for grounding and healing.
What survivors need most is not to be rushed, fixed, or questioned.
They need to be believed.
They need to feel safe.
They need space to heal at their own pace.
And they need compassion — especially from themselves. Because trauma responses are not signs of weakness. They are normal responses to abnormal experiences.
From Pain to Purpose
Sharing my story publicly — through my TEDx talk — was one of the most vulnerable decisions I have ever made. For years, those experiences lived quietly in the background of my life. Naming them out loud changed me.
It allowed me to take something that once caused me pain and transform it into something that could help others. It allowed me to metabolize that pain into purpose. And then something unexpected happened.
My 13-year-old niece called me to tell me her class was watching my TEDx talk in school. She was learning about consent — not as an abstract concept, but as something real. She was learning that she has agency. That she has a voice.
I didn’t have that at 13. That moment reminded me exactly why this work matters.
The Future We Choose
At REACH of Haywood County, we provide emergency shelter, court advocacy, counseling and a 24/7 crisis line. These services are essential. They save lives. But they exist because something has already gone wrong.
If we truly want to reduce sexual violence, we have to be willing to think bigger. We have to move beyond silence, beyond shame and beyond outdated approaches that prioritize avoidance over understanding.
We have to teach our children:
That their bodies belong to them.
That consent is enthusiastic, informed, and ongoing.
That curiosity does not make them bad.
That if something happens to them, they will be met with support — not judgment.
We have to be willing to have these conversations — in our homes, in our schools, in our communities. Because prevention isn’t just about what we stop. It’s about what we build.
We build safety through honesty.
We build resilience through connection.
We build change by breaking the silence we were taught to keep.
This Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I hope we continue to support survivors with the full force of our compassion and resources. But I also hope we do something more. I hope we choose prevention.
Because awareness is important. But prevention is powerful.
If you or someone you love may have experienced sexual assault, you are not alone. Confidential support is available. REACH of Haywood County offers a 24/7 crisis line, advocacy, and counseling services at no cost. Call us anytime at 828-456-7898. We are here to listen, believe you, and walk alongside you.
If you are interested in watching the full TEDx talk, it is located here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8Qq-mN1hLY&t=148s
Dr. Sara Vogel is Executive Director of REACH of Haywood County.
