Legal aid is a crucial lifeline
Victims of domestic violence can often find their options limited.
File photo
“Why doesn’t she just leave?” It’s a question asked countless times when trying to rationalize why someone in an abusive relationship continues to remain in that relationship.
Besides blaming the victim, the question also makes some strong assumptions:
• She has the same financial means as the abuser.
• She assumes she will gain custody of their children.
• She believes she can leave the relationship safely.
• She can be successful advocating for herself in the court system when she may need a protective order, divorce, child support, custody, division of property, etc.
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Let’s examine these assumptions.
First, financial abuse often accompanies domestic violence. Abusers control bank accounts, dictate whether their victims can work outside the home and sometimes even get partners fired from their jobs out of jealousy and/or as a means to further isolate them. So how does someone who is being abused, with no money of her own, simply leave? Where would she go and how would she finance a move to a new home or town?
Second, abusers can use children as pawns in controlling relationships. As the person with the financial means and control, it’s easy to convince a victim that a judge would grant custody to the parent who can provide food, shelter and other basic needs to the children. Along with an eroded sense of self-confidence, victims believe abusers when they are told they have no chance of winning in court. At Pisgah Legal Services, clients tell us consistently they will not leave without their children, and they also fear harm coming to their children if they aren’t in the home to protect them.
The most dangerous time for someone in a violent relationship is when they try to leave or shortly after. Abuse is often not about anger but control. And when someone who has been abused starts to exert control over their own lives, the abuser can feel powerless and rejected. This can escalate to lethal violence.
According to studies, approximately 75 percent of domestic violence-related homicides happen after the victim has left or attempted to leave. According to the Violence Policy Center, 65 percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner. Of these, 95 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.
Finally, the court systems are not designed for the average person to navigate alone. In the words of Pearl, one of our recent clients, “I would not have been able to get the same outcome in civil court if I had to do it all by myself. I wouldn’t have known how to do it, and I don’t think I would have been able to deal with the emotional aspect of having direct contact with him.”
Pisgah Legal Services is a nonprofit organization that offers free legal aid to thousands of domestic violence survivors in Western North Carolina (WNC) each year. Since 1978, we’ve provided this essential service to countless families and individual survivors.
Pisgah Legal Services proudly works in conjunction and part nership with domestic violence nonprofits, police and other organizations across WNC. Our attorneys and advocates are powerful partners in escaping domestic violence. They under stand the fear, the intimidation and the helplessness that come from being controlled physically, emotionally and financially.
With Pisgah Legal’s help, survivors can plan ahead, leave safely, then successfully work within the legal system to get the protection, assets, custody and other remedies they need to live free from abuse.
If you need help, visit pisgahlegal.org or call 828.253.0406. If you would like to support this important work, please visit pisgahlegal.org/give.
(Evie Sandlin White is the Communications Director for Pisgah Legal Services.)
