There is a Cherokee legend where an elder tells his grandson a story about two wolves. It goes something like this.
“Son, within all of us is a battle of two wolves. One is evil. He is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.”
He continued, “The other wolf is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
“The same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too,” explained the wise Cherokee elder.
Looking up at his grandfather, the young boy thought about the story for a moment, then asked, “Which wolf will win?”
The grandfather replied, “The one you feed.”
I like to keep this story at the forefront of my mind when going about my daily life and when making big decisions. These two wolves are clashing within us, and we have to be the mediator, deciding which wolf we will feed. Sometimes, we accidentally feed the wrong wolf, allowing ourselves to go down a road of comparison, victimhood, worry or regret.
Even though we can’t avoid negative emotions entirely because they’re a key component to developing a full emotional arc, we can integrate habits and skills into our lives that focus on feeding the good wolf more than the bad wolf.
If I feel stuck in my head or am in a spiral of overthinking, I get out into the world. I run errands or go for a walk. Moving from my mind into an external environment always helps. I’m trying to listen to other people’s opinions in a more objective manner instead of taking things personally. I know the truth lies within my own heart and soul, so even though other people mean well, I often take their advice with a grain of salt and ultimately turn to meditation and prayer for answers.
I’ve moved away from social media. What’s the point of it anyway? When social media first came on the scene, I enjoyed it, even working as a social media manager, but I can’t remember the last time I was on Facebook and I only pop on Instagram occasionally, mostly to keep up with my children’s school and sporting events. An original intent of these platforms was to keep folks connected, but over the years, social media has turned toxic. Even aside from political divisiveness and rampant fake news, it encourages comparison and we all know that comparison is the thief of joy. For me, social media is feeding the bad wolf, so I work to steer clear.
Another way I “starve” the bad wolf is focusing on the now instead of thinking about the past or worrying about the future. I’m learning how to re-center myself into the present whenever I feel my mind slipping away to the “if only” and “what if” ways of thinking. And even when we’re not worrying about the future, we’re often planning for the future — in a constant forward momentum instead of settling into what is happening in the moment.
There is a quote by Emily Dickinson that says “Forever is composed of nows.” For years, I continually dove into the future, always moving forward to the next thing, the next event, the next trip, curating the next memory. But really, forever is simply a collection of all the nows, so why not enjoy today instead of worrying about or planning for all the tomorrows?
There’s a spiritual mantra that says, “Where attention goes, energy flows.” If we focus on choices that foster love, joy, gratitude, purpose, contentment, flow, nourishment and inspiration, we feed the good wolf. Listening to music, hanging out with children, laughing, being playful, gardening, journaling, reading, walking in nature, being near water, seeing new places, eating healthy foods, spending time with friends and family, moving away from technology. These are all ways to encourage positive energy and feed the good wolf.
We tend to act like we’re fighting some invisible force that’s trying to take us down, and maybe that’s an evolutionary trait from when we were always on high alert for the next threat, but in today’s world, life will primarily flow along a stream of well-being, if we allow it. It’s like the Abraham Hicks quote, “There is only a stream of well-being that flows. You can allow it, or resist it, but it flows just the same.” Accept life as it is instead of wishing something was different.
In addition to feeding the wolves emotionally, they have physical hunger as well. Take care of your body as if your life depends on it because it does. Get adequate sleep, don’t overdo the caffeine or alcohol. Enjoy the great outdoors. Incorporate movement into every day. Don’t smoke or do drugs. Eat fresh, seasonal foods. Be social. Isolation is debilitating for numerous reasons. Take time for yourself and instill a spiritual daily practice.
Learn how to be compassionate and curious instead of judgmental. Refrain from questioning why someone is doing something a certain way or focusing on how another’s behavior is hurting your feelings. I turn compassion on those people and try to empathize with them. I can’t always figure out the whys, but I can tell you that trying to understand them from a lens of compassion makes me feel better and feeds the good wolf.
Living with the bad wolf in control is miserable. We’ve all been there — times in our lives where regret, guilt, comparison and self-pity take over. It’s the worst, but we have more control than we believe. Maybe it’s an average Tuesday or it’s a day where you’re making a massive life decision. Either way, always feed the good wolf. It’s not that you want to starve the bad wolf to death, but feed as little as possible so that even if he exists, the good wolf remains the alpha.
(Susanna Shetley is a writer and editor who lives in Haywood County. susanna.b@smokymountainnews.com.)