To Compartmentalize, or Not To Compartmentalize
When I was younger, I remember my mother saying that sometimes she and my father could be having a fight that felt so big to her right before he was supposed to leave for a trip, and he could totally put it out of his mind and go fly a plane.
As an airline pilot, and a captain no less, he was able to shift from family life to work life on a dime. As women we have all heard that men have the unique ability to compartmentalize their lives. In fact, I would argue that both men and women have this capability. Is it possible, and if not, why do people think they can do that?
I’m not a believer, nor a fan of the mentality of compartmentalization. There is something to be said for focusing on the task at hand in order to get things done. But there is a danger of putting painful experiences or secret longings in boxes inside our beings. They have a funny way of popping out at the most inopportune times. Much like the surprise of a jack in the box, this can cause distress to you and those caught in the fireworks of those pent-up emotions.
When we experience loss of any kind, our heart immediately goes into protection mode. The portcullis comes down, and the defenses go up. This is by design in our energetic system. We can be overwhelmed by our emotions. Pain and suffering can lead to loss of appetite, insomnia and brain fog, amongst other issues. This shield is meant to give our psyche a break as we begin to make sense of the pain we are experiencing and integrate that loss into our new understanding of our life.
Out of sight out of mind
I’d like to tell you that not thinking about something achieves the goal of disconnection we are hoping for. Has anyone else tried to diet by not thinking of dessert? Yeah, that’s a bogus theory! Energy doesn’t work like that either. Energy cannot be put into any container or emotional safehold in your body. Energy flows as it knows no boundaries! When you experience a hurtful situation or thought, you contract or brace your energy in your body in order to stop your pain. By slowing down or stopping the feeling of the pain, you hold the thought, memory or experience in your body in the chakra most affected by the experience. It will attempt to stay there if you are willing to ignore it. But life has a way of shaking things up and eventually, perhaps through physical dis-ease, this blockage will move. The spirit is always seeking balance so at some point the floodgates will burst open and our entire being will become overwhelmed with something we’ve managed to keep at arm’s length for quite some time.
The lady doth protest too much, methinks…
You know. You always know. You don’t want to see, but you do. You don’t want to reveal what you know, but there it sits between you and another. You have no choice. If you choose to live in integrity and stay true to yourself then you must acknowledge it is there. Never underestimate the power of intuition and the ability to feel what we humans try to lock away. Energy is felt. You cannot hide from that.
When we are with people that want to put their emotions in boxes, categories or compartments we feel confused. We hear their words, we watch their actions, but there is something not quite right. That which you are sensing is message misalignment. It doesn’t land in your body because the intention behind the words and the actions do not match. It’s hard to make sense of this, so we often choose to ignore what we are sensing. In that moment of denial, we are missing an opportunity to claim our truth and heal a situation that is long past its expiration date.
Out of the dark and into the light
If we are the ones denying our feelings for another, a trauma, or a truth about how we want to live our life, we will suffer. We will inflict that suffering on those around us, because they can and do sense that we are holding something back. If we are the ones feeling that energy, but are not able to define it, it causes us to mistrust ourselves. We listen to the words of the person standing before us, knowing that we are sacrificing what we know to be true. This over time erodes our confidence in them and more importantly in ourselves. They might believe that they are protecting us by not speaking their truth, but they are sending us the message that they do not trust us with their truth. In that moment of self-deception, they take away our voice, and our opportunity to hear something challenging and shift the situation for the betterment of all involved.
Anything we shine a light on loses its hold on us. There is something to attempting to face our greatest fear that frees us. We use the expression “worst case scenario,” in order to prepare ourselves mentally for what could happen. Rarely do we think, what is the best-case scenario? My team of guides told me many years ago that just because something looks bad on the surface doesn’t mean it is. They were letting me know that what humans consider to be “bad” can evolve into the best thing that ever happened, if we are willing to benefit from the growth that ensues.
The sacred contract that we have with our own moral compass will systematically help us to recover our confidence and begin building our damaged sense of self. Our greatest fears can transform our lives serving as an impetus to move in the direction of our true nature. It might mean the end of friendships, jobs, or relationships, but through that ending, that death, comes a rebirth. It’s a second chance, a true phoenix rising from the ashes to create something that is real, authentic and no longer in need of walls or boxes of any kind.