Some people think there are 3 types of decision makers:

1. Those that lead with their brain
2. Those that lead with their heart 
3. Those that do a combo action of brain and heart.

You see, the brainy decision maker makes choices out of fear. She spends most of her time shoulding all over herself thinking she should be doing things differently. She is usually in a place of uncertainty and questioning everything she does. 

Did I decide on the right kindergarten for my daughter. Should I have asked my boss differently to take time off for vacation? Are my friends mad at me?  Her doubt and disbelief in herself leaves her constantly comparing and measuring her insides to everyone else's outside. Her sense of self is based on everyone else's opinion of her. She is exhausted from keeping track of the internal scorecard in her head of all the ways the world has not shown up for her, let her down, and screwed her over. She spends most of her days with physical knots in her stomach and possible headaches because of the literal pain of her brain continuously churning with contemplation and ambivalence. She reads self help books and is all about girl power and empowerment, yet the more she tries, the more desperate and stressed out she becomes. She sometimes even secretly wonders what would happen if she was no longer on this planet. What if I just accidentally drove off the side of the road and did not wake up... 

Then there is the other extreme decision maker that leads with her heart.  She takes absolutely no responsibility for herself or the way she impacts the world. She makes brash, impulsive decisions, and somehow thinks her existence and happiness is the responsibility of everyone else. 

It will all work out the way it is supposed to. I will flip a coin to decide what to do. It doesn't really matter what I decide, I can always go back. She lives with her head up her rear end. She is the eternal optimist that lives in a bubble borrowing money from everyone else and depending on other people to raise her children. She makes decisions quicker than the wind blows and more often than most of us change our underwear. She is all over the place–literally moving all the time and in and out of relationships. 

Then there is the combo–heart and mind. Some call this balanced. I call it dangerous! This combo gal is tormented not knowing what to do. She literally makes no decisions. She does nothing. Life happens to her. Her voice is soft, trembly and she does what everyone tells her to do. She finds herself in the path of emotional abuse and might as well name herself Matty because of the way she is walked all over like a rug. She can’t find her way out of a paper bag without the fear of screwing up. But what if? I just can’t. Ugh, nothing can ever be any different. 

The reality is we don’t even realize how or why we make our decisions. We desperately try to move ahead in life only to continuously tread water, go through the motions and drown. 

I believe there is only one type of decision maker. I believe a decision is from your gut…. your SOUL. You don’t make the decision, the decision makes you.

To make a soulful decision from your core, the only choice you make is to SHOW UP. No matter the uncertainty or confusion, you keep showing up. You don't run, you don't avoid, you walk right through it like stepping through hot coal fired stones with bare feet. You look straight ahead and you move. Making a decision is like riding a motorcycle–where you look is where your bike goes. If you look down or behind–you fall.  In making a decision the key is doing nothing. That is right, you don't have to force it, ask everyone what they think, write a pros and cons list, or call your mother! You do nothing and you keep showing up! Making a major life decision or any decision is like deciding if you want to date someone from an online picture. If you tilt your head, squint your eyes, make a “Mmmm” squeaky noise with your nose squinted or notice your sphincter tightens up with your hip flexors clenching…. THE ANSWER IS NO. DO NOT DATE THEM! 

When you see a picture of someone that appears warm and welcoming, or just flat out hot–you do not get premature wrinkles on your face in order to decide whether to go out with them. Your answer is clear, YES, hell YES! 

So yeah, for most of my life I made decisions with my brain. I tormented myself and doubted my instincts. I compromised and squashed my soul. I lived in fear. I lived in SHAME! I lived in a lonely world in my head making choices based not on what I was thinking, but how I was thinking about what I was thinking. 

A year ago, I got an idea. I took a leap of faith–a really big leap. A 763 mile leap. In the middle of a pandemic, with a husband out on medical leave, I packed up my house. I loaded one husband, two kids, three dogs, a portable pottie and our clothes in a UHAUL trailer and drove  to Asheville, North Carolina. 

There was every reason not to move. Who moves in the middle of a pandemic before putting their house on the market or having a house to move into?

 There was no squinting or tilting my head in the choice to move. No tight sphincter or second guessing. I no longer had to desperately should all over myself with fear of messing up. The decision to move was made in my gut, my core, in my soul. The decision made me. Nothing was going to change in our life if nothing changed. 

Have you taken a leap of faith? Are you contemplating one? Will it ever be perfect timing? Will you ever save enough money? Will you ever look a certain way or lose enough weight? Are you waiting for tomorrow to happen, to live today? 

With much gratitude I share that one year ago we came home. Thank you Asheville for catching our leap. Thank you faith for showing up in my soul…

Warmly,

Your No bull-shiFt, mental fitness, advice giving, shame abolishing, health advocator and doer,

Dr. Dara